I’ve wanted to write this post since a year ago. At that time, I quit my job and ended my “working-slave” status with a conscious revenge plot that perhaps only occurred in fiction. I felt sad and glorious at the same time. I felt relieved because I was brave enough to get out of the mental prison I had put myself in. I felt terrible because I knew some people would resent me, no matter how validated my actions were. After I quit, I traveled to a few places before Covid-19 hit like an unstoppable storm. Thus, I had zero brain energy or attention to write the post.
It’s been a year, and my opinions about my feelings and actions have become more objective. The waiting subconsciously changed the tone of how I would portray my perspectives here. What I want to share now isn’t about the past. It’s about my “in-the-moments” and my future.
For the context purpose, here’s a bit recap of the BTS:
Last December, I resigned from a company I used to have much respect for via email (no explanation, just a straight-plain-email). Two weeks prior, the so-called management team set up a meeting and finger-pointed at me for the things I’d never done. After a year of barring endless working hours and accumulated pressures, my mental state wasn’t in an okay spot (just like most of my then-colleagues were). That meeting was like a time bomb finally hitting the “00:00” point — it blew up all of my hidden rages.
My impulsive thought was to leave right away. My second thought was to give myself a bit of time to validate my ideas. I chose to follow my latter feeling. During the two weeks, I invited my then-clients to coffee and explained my decisions to raise their awareness of the upcoming change regarding their projects. I went to lunch one by one with my close colleagues — for the same reasons, to give them a heads-up about my sudden departure, and asked for their pieces of advice. I also called my dad and told him why I wanted to leave and how I wanted to end it. My “immature plan” got a YES from him (Dad, I love you so much). I contacted every human being involved in my decisions and asked for their understanding, besides the “management squad team.” I was surprised by how alike everyone’s perspectives were, from the client to the colleagues — people knew what I was referring to, and some were proud of me for doing the things they were unable to do.
At 1:23 am on December 17th, 2019, I hit the “send” button, and I immediately broke out of the mental prison and had a sweet dream that night.
The rest details can be saved in my memoir when I am sixty years old and run out of content to write. Otherwise, they were not worth mentioning here. What I wanted to highlight was that I would never let people treat me the way opposing my self-value. They got what they deserved.
There isn’t a winner in the whole story. I never wanted to WIN anything. I also don’t regard myself as a loser for sending a virtual resignation letter and disappearing the following day. I was aware of my “wrongs,” and I still chose to do it. I trusted my gut. Fairness was all I was asking, and apparently, none of those folks understood how to treat people with empathy. No doubt, money controls their monkey minds.
Do I still feel hurt by them? Perhaps Yes. Do I regret my irresponsible act? Certainly No. I am aware that I was mistreated by a group of cold-blood people, so I don’t feel sorry about how I made them feel. Can I move on now? Hell YES.
The most valuable lesson I learned from that winding journey was that:
- I discovered how much I love connecting brands with influencers via online platforms. I’m passionate about writing email pitches to talented people, and their responses give me a mental high (every time!).
- And I also realized how exceptionally organized I was — to the extent that it has become the first impression people have about me.
Knowing the sparkling spots of oneself isn’t easy, especially when we frequently face judgments from society and the people around us. It took me years to finally accept my assets and regard them as my ultimate leverage in the dynamic working environment.
This year, I started to work on my freelancing projects. I’ve never felt so satisfied with my life. I’m able to set my standards at work and control my time and energy output. Every day is liberating. I also finally got a chance to develop my growth system. The whole concept is about treating myself as an infinite evolving machine. I would examine my “healthset, mindset, soulset, and heartset” every three months and develop optimization solutions to upgrade “my system.” (Thanks to Robin Sharma’s “5 Am Club” for enlighting me with the powerful concept!). By tracking my time spent every day, I achieved a collective of 1105 productive hours in the last nine months (deduct the lockdown months).
- Knowledge Input — 310 Hours, 30 books, 60 episodes of Impact Theory
- Words Output — 230 Hours, estimated 462K words count
- Freelancing — 170 hours in influencer marketing projects
- Creative content — 120 hours in making videos and doing DIYs
- Exercise — 200 hours, 197 days, 550 sessions
- Self-Improvement System — 75 hours, 3 upgrades
- Quality social time — 550 hours (FYI: not calculated into the “productive hours” category)
Although I attempted to use up my daily hours to their fullest, sometimes I would not be feeling like working or creating. I wasted a fair amount of hours on entertainment stuff. It’s still a massive improvement to me personally, though.
Think about it this way, a regular 8 hours per day and 5 days per week work will require a total of 1584 hours dedicated to work in nine months. You probably will spend more than these hours digesting the leftover emotions from your position — where you would spend a day chilling at home or doing nothing. In my case, I spent 1105 hours in productive work while 100% staying on the inspirational notion. I also spent 550 hours in high-quality social activities where I went out with friends and traveled domestically every few months. That’s a sum of 1655 hours as opposed to 1584 regular working hours.
Self-made statistics may not be 100% accurate. However, the feeling of putting the majority of my time into improving myself versus working for others made me feel more empowered. Perhaps my system won’t work for everyone, but it makes a noticeable impact on my life. I no longer feel limited or intimidated by anything, and I take 1000% responsibility for my actions because I choose to live for myself. Looking at my productive hours gradually adding up boosts my confidence and optimal mindset to continue growing and striving for better.
As for the people who used to mistreat me or still judge me — I don’t give a damn shit about them. I also possess no judgemental feelings towards them anymore. The fact is, they are what they are, and I am better without being around them.
The reasons I still remember everything a year later are that 1) I’m good at memorizing bad experiences, and 2) I wanted to tie a dead knot on my past feelings, and this post is the official bye.
From now on, I will be reborn again.
Hi, 2021.
